Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Can't Have Both.
“You don’t get your permit this summer do you?” Asked my grandma, her eyes nervously flashed back at me through the rear view mirror. “I sure do!” I replied with a bubbly air to my voice and a sparkle to my eye. The car’s passengers all exhaled a moan or a grunt at my exclamation (except for me of course) and the air had an electric feel. I didn’t care much for their disappointment; I’m a good driver. But I reflected back at what I had said and it dawned on me: I am getting my permit this summer.
I remember back to the days when I was in elementary and I daydreamed what it would be like when I could finally drive… Or all the times when I was a preteen and I had to push my parents buttons to get them to take me somewhere. And now freedom of the road was only half a year away. I was excited and gloomy all at once because of this realization. Excited because I no longer would have to beg and moan to be taken somewhere, when I had keys in my pocket and a mental map (let alone cash to pay for the remarkable gas prices). However I was gloomy considering how much I have matured since the days when this feat was only something to be dreamed for, a fantasy it seemed like. But, when did I get old? Where did all the time go?
It has been years since I sat in an elementary classroom afraid of boys and their cooties, and anticipating the day when I could drive. Now I embrace those cootie infested boys multiple times a day, and the date when I am given a set of keys looms shortly ahead. It doesn’t seem peculiar to hug boys, and its not odd that I’ll be getting my permit… However it is odd how much I have changed. Or maybe it isn’t? No to me it is very odd. And its ironic for some people reading this; From their point of views they would say I am still very young, and I do not know the meaning of “old”. And this is true, I am still very young and I do have many years ahead of me.. But I already have many cherished years behind me- And I miss them. This longing for those lost years will grow as I get older, and its frightening.
Just a year ago my favorite movie was Peter Pan, because I was absolutely entranced with Neverland. A place where a body could never grow old and your grain of sand stayed in the young beautiful childlike form. I wanted to stay young forever, so I would not have to face the cruel monster called reality and responsibility. My opinions of this matter has changed, It is true I will miss being youthful and small with no responsibilities or cares.. But I would not want to stay teeny forever. I want to relive some of my most beloved kidd memories, over and over in my lifetime.. But I also would like to experience some of the benefits of being an adult (teen). This blog is going nowhere, I’m staying connected to the same idea but its hard to express myself with this matter. Its like being torn in two; You cannot enjoy the benefits of maturing while partaking of the fruits of youth. Mmm…
I remember back to the days when I was in elementary and I daydreamed what it would be like when I could finally drive… Or all the times when I was a preteen and I had to push my parents buttons to get them to take me somewhere. And now freedom of the road was only half a year away. I was excited and gloomy all at once because of this realization. Excited because I no longer would have to beg and moan to be taken somewhere, when I had keys in my pocket and a mental map (let alone cash to pay for the remarkable gas prices). However I was gloomy considering how much I have matured since the days when this feat was only something to be dreamed for, a fantasy it seemed like. But, when did I get old? Where did all the time go?
It has been years since I sat in an elementary classroom afraid of boys and their cooties, and anticipating the day when I could drive. Now I embrace those cootie infested boys multiple times a day, and the date when I am given a set of keys looms shortly ahead. It doesn’t seem peculiar to hug boys, and its not odd that I’ll be getting my permit… However it is odd how much I have changed. Or maybe it isn’t? No to me it is very odd. And its ironic for some people reading this; From their point of views they would say I am still very young, and I do not know the meaning of “old”. And this is true, I am still very young and I do have many years ahead of me.. But I already have many cherished years behind me- And I miss them. This longing for those lost years will grow as I get older, and its frightening.
Just a year ago my favorite movie was Peter Pan, because I was absolutely entranced with Neverland. A place where a body could never grow old and your grain of sand stayed in the young beautiful childlike form. I wanted to stay young forever, so I would not have to face the cruel monster called reality and responsibility. My opinions of this matter has changed, It is true I will miss being youthful and small with no responsibilities or cares.. But I would not want to stay teeny forever. I want to relive some of my most beloved kidd memories, over and over in my lifetime.. But I also would like to experience some of the benefits of being an adult (teen). This blog is going nowhere, I’m staying connected to the same idea but its hard to express myself with this matter. Its like being torn in two; You cannot enjoy the benefits of maturing while partaking of the fruits of youth. Mmm…
--Cloud Envy.
4:46 PM
1 commented
4:46 PM
1 commented